Instructions
For reasons not clear even to myself, I took up vegetarianism in my early twenties.
That said, the reason seems plain enough in hindsight, a girl was involved. But given that she eventually became my wife, the sacrifice seems to have been worthwhile.
It’s a hard thing, being a vegetarian chef in a French restaurant. Between the gizzards and tongue, livers and cheeks, my boss even found room for more conventional mammalian delights such as rump steak and chops. Any guest professing vegetarian leanings in his establishment would likely be offered chicken or fish.
But it is a confusing thing, this vegetarian nomenclature. Because few adherents seem to claim the same principles. So here’s an overview of the fundamentals of plant-based eating.
OVO-VEGETARIAN: Consumes non-meat products only, but also eggs.
LACTO-VEGETARIAN: Plants and milk (cheese at a stretch).
OVO-LACTO-VEGETARIAN: As long as it wasn’t formerly breathing.
VEGAN: Only things that have never been an animal, or part of one….or exuded by one.
FRUITARIAN: The wackiest exposition of vegetarianism – only consumes fruit and vegetables that have naturally been shed by their parent tree. A plucked pear? Oh the humanity….or make that the arbority?
But in addition to these more conventional forms, some modern versions have also emerged.
PESCETARIAN: Vegetables and fish.
FEATHERTARIAN: Vegetables and chicken.
SELECTARIAN: The ultimate evolutionary end point of modern social dieting. Gluten free one week, lactose intolerant the next, fairtrade-sugarfree-lowfat-carbless after that.
As far as I’m concerned, each to their own. Who knows, it might even find you love.
Waterchestnut stirfry